Click on a question below for the answer.

1. Can someone be born with a sexually transmitted disease (STD)?
2. What is secondary virginity? Is there a third and fourth virginity?
3. If someone has been raped, are they still a virgin?
4. What should I do if my boyfriend/girlfriend is pressuring me to have sex and I don't want to?
5. What do condoms protect people from?
6. How effective are condoms against pregnancy?
7. How did STDs get started?
8. If there are so many consequences if we have sex outside of marriage, than why do people not practice chastity?
9. Why do people "give" their babies away to an adopted family?
10. Why shouldn't I have sex with my boyfriend/girlfriend if we love each other?
11. Sometimes it seems like everyone's "doing it," am I the only virgin out there?
12. How far is too far?

1. Can someone be born with a sexually transmitted disease (STD)?

   Yes, a person can be born with a STD. It is rare for a person these days in the United States to be born with a bacterial STD due to extensive testing that expecting mothers receive during their prenatal care. According to the Center for Disease Control, "chlamydia, gonorrhea, syphilis, trichomonas, and bacterial vaginosis (BV) can be treated and cured with antibiotics during pregnancy. There is no cure for viral STDs, such as genital herpes and HIV, but antiviral medication for herpes and HIV may reduce symptoms in the pregnant woman. For women who have active genital herpes lesions at the time of delivery, a cesarean delivery (C-section) may be performed to protect the newborn against infection. C-section is also an option for some HIV-infected women. Women who test negative for hepatitis B, may receive the hepatitis B vaccine during pregnancy," (STD Facts & Pregnancy, 2002).

   If an expecting mother is infected with HIV/AIDS, she can receive medication that will reduce the risk of the disease transmitting to the child. It is important to remember that if a baby is born with an STD, "the harmful effects of STDs in babies may include stillbirth (a baby that is born dead), low birth weight (less than five pounds), conjunctivitis (eye infection), pneumonia, neonatal sepsis (infection in the baby's blood stream), neurologic damage (such as brain damage or lack of coordination in body movements), blindness, deafness, acute hepatitis, meningitis, chronic liver disease, and cirrhosis. Some of these problems can be prevented if the mother receives routine prenatal care, which includes screening tests for STDs starting early in pregnancy and repeated close to delivery, if necessary. Other problems can be treated if the infection is found at birth," (STD Facts & Pregnancy, 2002).

   With that being said, a main concern for many students is if they could have been born with an STD and have it today and not know. If a person was born with a STD, the symptoms would have most likely shown up immediately, and medical action would have needed to be taken. So a student need not worry that they were born with a STD that they do not know about because the chances are unlikely. See www.cdc.gov/std/STDFact-STDs&Pregnancy.htm#treat.
   
   

2. What is secondary virginity? Is there a third and fourth virginity?

   Secondary virginity is a commitment that a person makes to his or herself and to God to remain chaste from that point forward, regardless of the mistakes they have made in the past. As far as third and fourth virginity goes, many times people think the term "secondary virginity" is something to be taken lightly or as a joke. Here's the deal... physically, someone cannot get their "virginity" back. But chastity is about TODAY forward because we cannot change the past. It is important to remember though that a person who is committed to secondary virginity will still have to deal with all the consequences of their sexual decisions of the past. But they are saying that no matter how many people they have had sex with in the past, they are repenting of that behavior and respecting God's plan for sex from this point in time forward.

   Part of this process is that a person repents, or turns their back on, the past and receives forgiveness from their sins by going to the Sacrament of Reconciliation, or Confession. After that, they exercise self-control and abstain from sexual activity and intercourse until marriage or for a lifetime if they are then called to the celibate life of a religious vocation (priest, nun, monk, friar, etc...). It is a strong act of humility for a person to recognize they made a mistake in the past, for whatever reason, and to say "I was wrong, but now I will follow God's plan for the benefit of my future relationship with God, marriage, dreams and goals, everything."

   Lastly, if someone is in the midst of changing from a lifestyle of sexual sin to sexual freedom through chastity, it is not uncommon for there to be a struggle. But through God's grace and support from positive peers, anyone can change. If anyone ever needs help, we have someone on staff who was a teen mom and committed to secondary virginity at the age of 19 after years of sexual promiscuity and she is willing to support anyone in a nonjudgmental fashion to get through those tough times.
   
   

3. If someone has been raped, are they still a virgin?

   First, it is important to define sexual abuse. Child sexual abuse occurs when a child is mistreated sexually by an abuser to satisfy the abuser's needs. It may take many forms: exposure of the private parts of the body, obscene phone calls, inappropriate sexual talk, use of pornography or any touching of the private parts of the body. Rape occurs when someone has been forced into sexual intercourse by an abuser.

   Please be aware that virginity and purity is lost only when it's given away FREELY, and in sexual abuse or rape, it was not given away freely. Physically, a person who has been raped is not a virgin anymore, but spiritually in God's eyes, they are. It is so vital to know that a person who has been sexually abused CAN practice chastity and make awesome choices for themselves. Their lives should not be ruined because of the bad choice of an abuser.

   However, many confusing feelings accompany sexual abuse. Many times people who have been abused are confused, they think they are bad or that they did something wrong or "asked for it" by the way they dressed or acted, and we are here to say that it is not their fault. They only one to blame is the one who did the abusing. It is normal to feel confused and not know what to think, and that is why it is so important for someone who has been abused or thinks they may have been to get help! Talk to a trusted adult, teacher, guidance counselor, parent, or us at the Pregnancy Center. We have the Eve Center that offers free and confidential counseling for people recovering from abuse or rape. Their number is 513-251-1111.
   
   

4. What should I do if my boyfriend/girlfriend is pressuring me to have sex and I don't want to?

   One of the biggest tips we give to students is to set boundaries in the beginning of their dating relationships so that they can try to avoid this situation. But if someone is in this situation, the first thing they need to do is state clearly their boundaries from that point forward, even if they have been crossed in the past-"I do not want to engage in any sexual activity, which includes touching the private parts of your body as well as intercourse," and tell them why you want to remain chaste.

   After that, ask them why they want to have sex with you. Many times people say because they want to "make love to you" or "express their love for you through sex." Here's the deal... sex does NOT equal love. We will love many people in our lives, many people we will NOT have sex with. Also, true love says what can I GIVE to this person. True love says how can I get this person to heaven. True love would never put the person they love at risk for emotional heartache, guilt, depression, unplanned pregnancy, or STD's, nor would they put their lover's soul in a state of mortal sin.

   To be bluntly honest, there is no good reason to have sex before marriage. There are tons of reasons not to though. Once you can come to that conclusion together, the problem is solved, and boundaries need to be respected. But, if a mutual agreement is not reached and the other person cannot or will not respect your decision to remain chaste and your boundaries, than you need to get out of the relationship. There are many awesome teens and young adults that we meet every day that are committed to chastity, don't sell out for anything less than awesome.

   Always remember, you are worth waiting for, and you don't want to lose your virginity in the back seat of a car, or at a crummy hotel party, or sneaking into your boyfriend's or girlfriend's house when their parents are out of town. No! You want to give away your virginity as a priceless gift to the person who has made vows to you in a church in front of hundreds of people in a beautiful hotel or a cabin in the middle of nowhere with the person who has proved that he or she loves you, till death do you part. That's what you deserve!
   
   

5. What do condoms protect people from?

   A condom is a piece of latex that covers the male genitals during sexual intercourse and is designed to reduce the risk of pregnancy and the transmission of STDs. Condoms never provide complete protection from these consequences however. As the Medical Institute for Sexual Health points out, "In scientific writing 'protect' can mean anything from 'somewhat better than nothing' to 'complete safety from a risk factor.'" So a condom manufacturer can say that his condoms "protect" someone from pregnancy and STDs even though that protection may be very minimal. Below is a breakdown of which STDs condoms offer protection against and how good that protection is. (Statistics from the Medical Institute for Sexual Health, MISH.)

   • Human Papillomavirus (HPV): According to the Center for Disease Control, 'HPV infection can occur in both male and female genital areas that are covered or protected by a latex condom, as well as in areas that are not covered. While the effect of condoms in preventing HPV infection is unknown, condom use has been associated with a lower rate of cervical cancer, an HPV-associated disease.'
     
     
   • Syphilis: Even with 100% consistent condom use, there remains a 50%-71% risk of Syphilis infection.
     
     
   • Chlamydia: Even with 100% consistent condom use, there remains a 50% risk of Chlamydia infection.
     
     
   • Gonorrhea: Even with 100% consistent condom use, there remains a 50% risk of Gonorrhea infection.
     
     
   • Trichomonas Vaginalis: Current evidence does NOT show that Trichomonas Vaginalis sexual transmission (a parasitic STD) is reduced even with 100% condom use.
     
     
   • Herpes II: With 65% condom use, there remains a 60% chance of Herpes infection. (Condoms do NOT prevent the transmission of STDs from lesions outside the areas covered by the condom. Herpes II often produces lesions outside the area covered by the condom).
     
     
   • HIV: Even with 100% condom use, there remains a 15% risk of HIV infection.

   For the approximately 20 other STDs, not enough data exists to say whether or not condoms offer any risk reduction.

   You notice that most of these statistics assume 100% consistent condom use. However, 100% use of condoms for many years is so uncommon that it is almost a "purely theoretical concept," except for a few very meticulous individuals. Even among adults who knew that their partner had HIV, only 56% used condoms every time (Medical Institute for Sexual Health, MISH).

   Additionally, an individual who is thinking about whether condom use is better than nothing needs to know that "the less experience they have with condom use the greater the chance of condom failure" BUT MOST IMPORTANTLY, "the more acts of sex, the more chance of experience[ing] condom slippage and breakage, and therefore of exposure to STDs" (Medical Institute for Sexual Health, MISH).
   
   

6. How effective are condoms against pregnancy?

   With perfect use (used exactly as directed every time without fail), condoms have about a 3% failure rate. With typical usage, condoms have about a 14% failure rate for each year of use.

   If you're thinking that condoms do not seem to do a very good job at protecting our bodies, then consider this—condoms provide NO protection for someone's future marriage, their reputation, their dating relationships, their trust with their parents, their self-esteem, or their relationship with God. We know that human beings are much more than just bodies, and sex is much more than just a recreational physical act. God's plan is what is truly liberating, not only because it frees us from all the consequences of sex outside of marriage, but also because it upholds the true beauty and dignity of the human person.
   
   

7. How did STDs get started?

   Scientists aren't sure about how most STDs got started. They believe AIDs was initially contracted through contaminated meat, after which it became primarily sexually transmitted. As far as the other STDs, most of them have been around for a long time and are spread through engaging in sexual activity with someone who is already infected. Therefore, these diseases do not pop up in someone's body out of nowhere—they are behavioral diseases, which means that if we don't engage in the behavior that puts us at risk for these diseases (sex outside of marriage), we don't have to worry about getting them.

   If someone practices chastity before marriage by abstaining from sexual activity, and then practices chastity within their marriage by remaining faithful to their spouse, there is no way that they and their spouse can "make" a new STD by having sex with each other. Unless someone engages in sexual activity with someone who is already infected (who got infected from someone else who was already infected etc.), they are very unlikely to contract and will certainly not create an STD.
   
   

8. If there are so many consequences if we have sex outside of marriage, than why do people not practice chastity?

   Many people are not educated about all the consequences of sex before marriage, or else they do not think deeply about them or do not think they will happen to them. Many people are also influenced by the ways that media presents sex, by the false messages society tries to sell us, and by their peers who might have bought into these messages.

   A lot of shows on TV, popular music and movies present sex as mere recreation—a purely physical act that doesn't mean very much and doesn't have any real consequences. Unfortunately, there are always consequences when someone takes sex outside of the boundary of marriage, whether it is physical like an unplanned pregnancy or STD, or emotional like feeling used or disappointed, or spiritual as we put distance between ourselves and God when we sin. The truth is, sex is a big deal—it is a special act that is designed to be part of the sacramental bond of marriage. God designed it to unite a married couple physically and emotionally, and even spiritually as it puts the seal on the marriage bond, which represents Christ's love for His church. He also designed it to bring new life into the world-a new life that will need the support of both a mother and a father.

   Ultimately, there may be lots of reasons why people choose not to practice chastity, but there aren't any GOOD reasons!
   
   

9. Why do people "give" their babies away to an adopted family?

   A couple facing an unplanned pregnancy has three options—one or both partners can choose to parent the child, they can place their child in an adoptive home, or they can choose abortion. The first two options are life-giving, while the third option takes the life of a child (because of this it also has harmful emotional consequences for both parents as well as harmful physical consequences for the mother). Since its legalization, over 47,000,000 Americans have been killed through abortion.

   So, parents choose adoption for their child out of love-they love their child enough to give them the gift of life. Many times these parents would rather raise their child themselves, but realize that they are not able to provide the financial or familial support that child will need. By choosing adoption, the birth parents are unselfishly placing the needs of their child above their own desires. There are three main types of adoption.

   • Closed (Confidential): birth mother doesn't know the adoptive family. The agency picks the family and there is never any contact between them. When child is 18-21 years old, they can petition the court for information with their adoptive family's permission. When child is 21 years old, they can do it without permission. The court will only release the birth mother's information if she has signed a release saying it is OK.
     
     
   • Semi-open: birth mother picks family. They may share names or meet once. They send pictures and letters through the agency/lawyer. (80% of adoptions are semi-open)
     
     
   • Completely open: birth mother picks family. They share first and last names, addresses, etc. They will have regular contact.

   There are millions of couples on waiting lists every year who do not get to adopt a child, so parents who choose adoption for their child are not only giving that child the gift of life, but also giving another couple the gift of a family.
   
   

10. Why shouldn't I have sex with my boyfriend/girlfriend if we love each other?

    True love wants what's best for the other person and would never put the beloved at risk. Within the boundary of marriage that God has given for sex, it does wonderful things—it unites a husband and wife physically and emotionally and spiritually within that sacramental bond, and it brings new life into the world. But, taken out of the boundary of marriage, the power of sex becomes very destructive, whether those consequences come in the form of an STD or unplanned pregnancy, or whether they come in the form of emotional heartache, loss of self-respect, distance from God, broken relationships or disappointment.

    In I Corinthians 13, St. Paul says that love "always protects"-we protect valuable things. Your life, your purity, and your relationships are more valuable than diamonds, so protect them. If you and your date truly love each other, you will respect one another enough to wait for marriage.

11. Sometimes it seems like everyone's "doing it," am I the only virgin out there?

    Everybody is not "doing it" and you are not the only virgin out there! According to the Center for Disease Control, in 2002, 47% of female teens had had sex, and 46% of male teens. That means that 53% of American teen girls are holding onto their virginity, as well as 54% of teen guys—that's the majority! Unfortunately, it is a small majority, and we know that of those who are having sex, almost half (47%) have Human Papilomavirus (a viral STD) and many more are struggling with other consequences as well. However, if you are choosing to stand strong for your life, your future, and your relationships, please know that you are not the only one. The media sells a lot of lies—that everyone is doing it and that teens can't control themselves, but the statistics tell a different story—don't buy into the lies!
    
    

12. How far is too far?

    Go to the Pure Love Club for an excellent answer to this question (and to many others from Jason Evert).